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Secular vs Christian Marriage Counselling

Christian marriage counselling helps couples navigate the challenges of life, from the context of a Christian faith. Is it different to secular marriage counselling?

Marriage counselling can be a tricky subject. Even just reading about it might get us a little on edge. We’re naturally protective of our marriage and intimate relationships and the thought of needing counselling or support from an outsider can be hard to consider.

The reality is though, there are times when marriages need a little support – and that’s the point of counselling. A good counsellor can help us understand ourselves and each other better, and provide us with the tools to help navigate rough patches. The objective of marriage counselling is strong healthy people in a strong, healthy relationship.

For Christians, there are a couple of additional questions worth asking: What’s the difference between secular vs Christian marriage counselling? And what’s the benefit of a Christian marriage counsellor for a Christian marriage? Let’s take a look at those questions.

What is Christian Marriage?

First let’s remind ourselves of some things about marriage in general, and Christian marriage in particular.

In marriage, a couple commits to one another for life. The classic promises include confession of love and loyalty, and a commitment to one another ”‘for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.” In more modern vows we might say “Whatever the future holds, I will love you and stand by you.” We make those promises on our wedding day, and then endeavour to live up to them on a day-by-day basis. In a sense, we re-make those promises every day.

Marriage, no matter what TV reality shows try to turn it into, is a beautiful, sacred thing.

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Christian marriage takes those foundational concepts of marriage to another level. In Christian marriage, the promises are not only made to one another (and before a group of family and friends) but in the sight of God. We commit to God, just as we commit to one another.

Marriage as a Gift from God

Christians believe that marriage is a gift from God for the people of God, and is part of God’s plan for humanity. Marriage is ideally a place of deep and loving relationship, intimacy, and in many cases, family and children. Marriage is God’s plan, and scripture is filled with wisdom and insight for marriage.

A Covenantal Relationship

Christian marriage is a covenantal relationship and is, in a very real sense, modelled on the covenantal relationship between God and humanity. For Christians, faith and relationship with God (joint and individual) are at the heart of God’s design for marriage. In marriage, we serve each other, as together we serve God.

When Might Counselling be a Good Idea?

None of that is to say that Christians in marriage are perfect, or that Christian marriage is immune to the same kinds of pressures as any other marriage. Stress and anxiety brought on by the challenges of life, raising kids, clashing values, significant life choices, anxiety, severe illness, financial challenges, anger, unfaithfulness and so on are all threats to the health and wholeness of Christian marriage. In the worst cases, emotional, physical or spiritual abuse can take place in Christian marriages as in any other.

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Marriage counselling helps a couple to process these kinds of challenges. It helps us to understand and confront our behaviours and their impact on the marriage relationship and our partner. It helps us make sense of emotions and experiences that are deeply felt but at times hard to articulate. And it can help rebuild a fragile or damaged relationship and put us on a fresh footing. Marriage counselling can also be helpful for a healthy marriage – providing a check-in of sorts and helping a couple maintain their life-long loving commitment to one another, pre-empting the challenges that almost inevitably arise.

What is Christian Marriage Counselling?

Christian marriage counselling or Christian relationships counselling as it can also be known, deals with all those kinds of challenges and situations that any couples counselling would. The difference here is that the counselling takes the couple’s Christian faith seriously, and the counselling is offered in the context of that faith.

What is it Like?

A Christian marriage counsellor will help the couple explore their relationship and any difficulties that might be present in light of God’s plan for marriage and informed by scripture. The counsellor will explore with you your understanding of marriage, and your perspective on God’s place within your marriage relationship. Your faith will be honoured, respected and incorporated into the counselling work you do together.

Marriage counselling can help rebuild a fragile or damaged relationship ...

Biblical Teaching on Marriage

Biblical teaching on marriage and healthy relationships lies at the heart of Christian relationship counselling. The Christian marriage therapist will explore all of the wisdom and insight into healthy relationships that any therapist would but will also incorporate the richness of theological and biblical truth. The Christian counsellor knows and understands something of God’s plan for your marriage, and wants the best for you both. As you work together, a Christian counsellor might well pray with and for you.

Where Does Christian Marriage Counselling Happen?

Christian marriage counselling can take the form of individual and shared couple sessions or a combination of the two. It can be in person or is increasingly offered via video link technology. It can also take place in the setting of a Christian couples retreat where a couple share with others in a time of retreat designed to help build healthy habits for a long-term marriage.
marriage counselling christian

What about Pre-marriage counselling?

Many local churches and Christian counselling centres offer pre-marriage counselling courses or sessions. These are designed to help you prepare well for a long, healthy, happy marriage. For more information, see our article on Pre-Marriage Counselling.

Making the Right Choices

Finding the right marriage counsellor is an important choice to support you in what is perhaps the most important human relationship you’ll ever have.  Considering the benefits of Christian marriage counselling is something we recommend you consider. Finding the “right” counsellor for both you and your partner is critical, and there are many factors that go into such a decision. To explore some of those factors, read our article on Choosing a Counsellor or Psychologist.

Within marriage, you’ll share life’s blessings and challenges. You might have and raise children. You will likely experience physical, emotional and spiritual intimacy with one another. In your Christian marriage, you will grow in intimacy with God and in your own discipleship journey. Your marriage deserves your commitment to ensuring it is whole and healthy – and sometimes that might include the support of a counsellor. In a Christian marriage, the distinctive offering of Christian marriage counselling might just offer vital and unique insights to help you on the way.

Scott-Guyatt-writer for Local Christian Life
Scott Guyatt is a writer, speaker, trainer, and facilitator who has served the church in Australia for more than two decades. Scott’s experience includes helping the church explore mission, discipleship and leadership practices in local communities across the country.

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